1. |
Going on Gone.
03:12
|
|||
Daydreams got the best of me again
I saw my body lying in the waves
Tall light out in chesapeake today
All the greens are turning into grey
And i say
Love me with my headphones on
I can't come when I can hear you crying
Keep going going gone, we're going on gone
I don't wanna live too long
Seems like every thing of beauty's dying
Keep going going gone, we're going on gone
Day drunk in St. Augustine again
I'd trade my body to the wind
This life will be the death of me someday
But that ain't much of a thing to say
Anyway
Will you love me with my headphones on
I can't come if I can hear you crying
Keep going going gone, we're going on gone
I don't wanna live too long
Seems like everything of beauty's dying
Keep going going gone, we're going on gone
Love me with my headphones on
Don't nobody wanna hear me crying
Keep going going gone, we're going on gone
I don't wanna live too long
Every summer now the sea keeps rising
Keep going going gone, we're going on gone
|
||||
2. |
Ben Zaidi's Blues.
04:52
|
|||
My blood burns like diet soda
Fizzing out on the ground
I wish it was my name on the hospital door
But that's not the kinda thing you can say out loud
The bank's foreclosing on grandpa's house
While a stroke peels the last bit of life from his brain
So we go to Florida, me and my dad
To load up the car with anything worth saving
A mug and a lamp and a childhood map
My grandma is crying as we pull away
Then drive up the coast and halfway thru Georgia
I remember that I left the the home video tapes
What will the bank do
With the camcorder-caught childhood that ain't theirs
Someone in a tie will look at it, say it’s worthless
Then eat their dinner and say their prayers
But the truth is
The longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
I wish I wrote landslide by Fleetwood Mac
It scarcely left me with nothing to say
All I got here is this army of questions
Leaving their boot prints all over my face
Like, which war machine will I vote for?
The one with the cross or the rainbow flag?
Which phone made by slave labor will I use
To call my manager & make sure I’m paid fair?
We're never paid fair
Which killer cops will I pay with my taxes?
Which prison will I pave riding the bus?
Which drone bomb will kill which parent's child
While bearing the names of all of us?
And are there tides on our plastic island
Will it someday wash on our shores?
And when is it time to think about the sea?
When it's up to our necks, and not a moment before?
And you told me
The longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
The longer you stay pure, the harder it is to live
Two Bens left home in 2011
One went to Harvard, one went to heaven
First one got cold so he came inside
Second one stayed true to his hill and died
I wanna throw my body into the river
I wanna build my house on an acre of salt
And hear no news, talk only religion
And forget that I’m human whenever I want
And I'll say
The longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
The longer you stay pure, the harder it is to live
The longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
The longer you stay pure, the harder it is to live
|
||||
3. |
2013.
03:36
|
|||
That year was one long summer
& we smoked it all away
Our skin, it shone with color
That the sun could never fade
We snuck up on the roof
& we danced along the curbs
Strung out & drunk on youth
Nothing ever hurt in
Two thousand thirteen
Firing down the freeway, to see who we could be in
Two thousand thirteen
The years are cracks in pavement, I’m falling in-between
That night you laughed like a wedding
& everybody heard the bells
That moon was soft as bedding
& in its light we saw ourselves
I know that memory turns
All the past into postcards
But I swear we sang like truth
Laying in the yard in
Two thousand thirteen
Firing down the freeway, to see who we could be in
Two thousand thirteen
The years are cracks in pavement, I’m falling in-between
You dropped out of school
I grew out my hair
Is it just growing up
Or did we leave ourselves there
I still see those boys
Swimming under that moon
It was the summer you left
My heart was splitting in
Two thousand thirteen
Firing down the freeway, to see who we could be in
Two thousand thirteen
The years are cracks in pavement, I’m falling in-between
|
||||
4. |
Gibreel.
01:53
|
|||
My friend named tree orders takeout
Using the name Jim
My uncle goes by Jamie even though
His real name's Jamil
I used to say my name was Gabriel
I used to say my name was Gabriel
Seven golden trumpets
In a scale that wasn’t mine to steal
Gabriel
Gibreel
Blue poppies
Don't try to be yellow
& yellow lilies
Don't try to be teal
I used to say my name was Gabriel
I used to say my name was Gabriel
Seven broken feathers
Of the wings that weren’t mine to conceal
|
||||
5. |
Listless.
04:17
|
|||
I put my Camry in the wrong gear
Put a short stop to a long year
There’s hailstones coming down on the turnpike now
They jump like frogs when they hit the ground
I'm so tired of striving
There's always somewhere I’m driving
Will I turn around when the gas runs out
And find my feet won't touch the ground
Oh I’m so listless
There's no harbor lights to guide me out here
I'm there in the distance
Too drunk on that horizon to see it clear
You stepped out in the hallway
Supernatural as always
We drive into town while the beech trees brown
But you scarcely glance around
You said everything's over
You lost your life in the foreclosure
When you came around you never put the camera down
And now those tapes they can't be found
You said I’m so listless
My life is all behind me in the mirror
It's out in the distance
Where objects look much closer than they disappear
It was 3am when the call came in
And the breath fell out of my face
So I packed my suit for the red eye trip
And I’ll wish you on your way
Oh we're all listless
Just needles on a pine tree in the clear
There’s light in the distance
I just pray that I can find me while I’m still here
|
||||
6. |
Orlando.
03:02
|
|||
Oh I’ve been so lone
Walking this old road
Left my whole family
Don’t think they could stand me
I saved all my quarters
I sang at the borders
But who even needs songs
When everything’s so wrong
And I pray I pray I pray
And I pray I pray I pray
And I drive all night all day
Let the wind take me away
I drove to Orlando
Feeling so shallow
My best friend’s got cancer
So nothing else matters
Disneyworld’s all dead
I saw what the sign said
Where dreams can come true
I guess no one told you
And I know I know I know
And I know I know I know
And I sat in that room and hoped
That they take me when you go
Hmm
And I pray I pray I pray
And I pray I pray I pray
And I’ll drive all night all day
Let the wind take me away
|
||||
7. |
Scripture in the Sand.
06:01
|
|||
We stopped and bought some mad dog off the highway near Savannah
And I had never been so drunk before
Seven naked bodies that the moonlight painted silver
Skin that shone like surf along the shore
I was on the verge of something, wild and riled and reeling
We thought ourselves the first, the pioneers of every feeling
The waves would rise and the laughter lines were fading from my hands
Like scripture in the sand
Another Boston spring, another pilgrimage to Florida
I left all my sober thoughts at home
You threw up in a wine glass at that party in Manhattan
We never knew when it was time to go
And whatever happened to whatever happens?
The tidal wave came fast and I was a fist of paper napkins
Standing over something I could scarcely understand
Scripture in the sand
You said it was my birthday when you got your diagnosis
So you made up some reason not to call
February second when I got you on the phone again
I watched my breath while you explained it all
And Tampa's 16 hours but I’m nowhere if not there
And we drove to the beach the day the nurse cut off your hair
And I thought maybe things are holier the less they can withstand
Like scripture in the sand
The day my youth ran out I was stirring pills in applesauce
Coming up with questions for the nurse
It's not as if I understand what it means to lose yourself
But I can hold the tissues to the hurt
I'm always back in Florida for some new god damned reason
The place that cut you loose
Shouldn't be the place that leaves you bleeding
But high tide always scatters all the lives that we have planned
They're scripture in the sand
A slice of sky reflected in the dog bowl at the drug store
I would also like to drink the sun
It's hard to ask for what you want, to stand on that desire
And wait there for a train that might not come
After dark I painted your initials on the overpass
But it got demolished, anybody could have told you that
And what's left of our lives, what mark is left upon the land?
We're scripture in the sand
I'm a textbook picture of the need to make a meaning
Out of every bird that flies away
Nostalgia's more reflection of the present then the past I guess
I just felt like feeling like shit today
But I wanna go down like one of your old vinyl records
So round that you can't see it turn and you don't know it's ending
So close that till it's gone you barely knew that it began
Like scripture in the sand
|
||||
8. |
Only Forever.
03:11
|
|||
The water's gonna rise till we finally drown
Said the water's gonna rise till we finally drown
And all of the ospreys singing
Will soon barely even make a sound
Cause the water's gonna rise till we finally drown
Built a tower so high, now you'll never get down
You built a tower so high, now you'll never get down
And when you decide to save us
There won't be nobody left around
Built a tower so high, now you'll never get down
Let our futures fall to tatters
Then you ask us what's the matter
For the ticking time & the picket signs
Won't save us from the fall
But it's only forever after all
Lost so long, now I'm finally found
I’ve been lost so long, now I'm finally found
And living might take a lifetime
But it's barely long enough to reach the ground
Lost so long, now I'm finally found
If your hopes ain't high you'll never get down
Said if your hopes ain't high, you'll never get down
all of my dreams are skipping stones
At the bottom of the puget sound
If your hopes ain't high you'll never get down
Let the future fall to tatters
Cause the truth is nothing matters
And any words that are sung or heard
Are just ashes in the fall
Cause it's only forever
Only forever
Only forever
After all
|
||||
9. |
Jerusalem.
05:49
|
|||
I don’t know where to go
I barely know where I’m coming from
I never met my grandfather, from whom I got my name
But the marquee letters spell “Zaidi” all the same
He was born before partition, in a town called Ajmer
Militias stormed his school, so the family fled to Pakistan
And me I’ve never been there, I don't know what it smells like
And when I say his name out loud I can’t pronounce it right
Sometimes I feel like Jerusalem
There’s 3 religions trickling through my veins
Sometimes I feel like Jerusalem
By the time they can sort it out, there'll be nothing left to claim
Manzur can you hear me ?
I’m speaking through the breeze
My father went to tuesday school
His teacher there had numbers on his arm
The day I took my mother’s name, he called me on the phone
A chill was in your voice, as if the words had turned to snow
And I don’t wanna do this excavation anymore
I’m stepping into salt & sand, whichever way I go
Sometimes I feel like Jerusalem
There’s 3 divisions clawing at my name
Sometimes I feel like Jerusalem
By the time you can sort it out, there’ll be nothing left to claim
Father can you forgive me ?
I’m speaking through the breee
The census form came in the mail
I always hated filling out these things
There's no word for what I am, so I’ll turn the letters loose
I’ll snap in half the hyphens, tear the terms out at the root
Being mixed is a mixed blessing, in a world that makes you choose
The more history you have, the more you have to lose
Sometimes I feel like Jerusalem
There’s 3 traditions tugging at my sleeve
Sometimes I feel like Jerusalem
By the time I can sort it out, there'll be nothing left of me
America can you see me ?
I’m speaking to the breeze
|
||||
10. |
Younger with Time.
03:42
|
|||
I’m dreaming in plaid again
Asleep on the flight
The airplane window’s so cold
But you’re on my mind
Milkshakes in beverly
Is this called growing up
I’m so out of my element
I’m so far from your love
But i’ll keep your heart
Right next to mine
& we won’t grow old, no
We’ll get younger with time
Do you remember that night we knew
& how the river caught the lights
I’m still crossing that bridge with you
Every day in my mind
Cause i’ll keep your heart
Right next to mine
& we won’t grow old, no
We’ll get younger with time
I’m dreaming in plaid again
In green & in white
There’s a patchwork of fields below
You’re nowhere in sight
But i’ll keep your heart
Right next to mine
The sky might grow dark
But there’s stars in your eyes
Let the decades come down
& let the years just float by
Cause when you spend them in love
You get younger with time
|
||||
11. |
Eucharist.
03:13
|
|||
Bottles in the waste
Feel like my conscience’s running late
At night I’m walking to your place
Listening to Tom Waits while I wait
And I’d be lost without my better half
Wish finding the words I was better at
Wish I ain’t always let you down like democrats
I would’ve told you sooner if you’d ever asked
Lying down in the studio tryna fix my back
Been trying for a week now and it’s still outta whack
Therapist from the tv show said secrets cause that
Maybe that’s where I’m at
Earl grey with the sage leaves I’m making my way
I ain’t make much lately, but I made it here today
Holding tight to my sanity & saying my grace
Bottles in the waste
I’m a walking waste of space
That’s all I got to say
I’m tired of talking anyway
I’d be lost without my family
So why am I always making them mad at me
Looking for attention outta vanity
It’s the definition of insanity
I’m spinning here like a turnstile, just letting out facts
I don’t care if the shit rhymes I’m stating it flat
Can’t stop and I won’t stop, you ain’t paying me for that
Lately that’s where I’m at
Black tea like a eucharist I’m making my way
I don’t make too much sense, but I made it here today
Holding tight to my fantasies and saying my grace
|
||||
12. |
Tampa.
02:16
|
|||
I think I’ll drive to Tampa
Meet you halfway
I think I can still remember your place
I think I’m driving to Tampa
I can’t stand to see you this way
And if I get to Tampa will you stay awake
I said I think I’m going to Tampa
Cause I can’t stand to wait
And if I come to Tampa will you stay awake
It might be two days or eleven days
And I can’t find the phrase
Say it loud and say it clear my name
I said I think I’m going to Tampa
If I don’t forget the place
And if I come to Tampa
Will you promise not to change
Now I’ve been for the offers
Coming out of my place
But if I’m going to Tampa will you stay
Another day
I think I’m driving to Tampa
I can’t stand to see you this way
I’m going to Tampa anyway
|
||||
13. |
Ricochet.
03:23
|
|||
The crisis is inside us
And all around
Everyone's got a friend on drugs
In this fucking town
So tell me where's that future
That they keep talking about
My life just ricochets yeah
It still ain't hit the ground
I just want to know
If it's going to change
The faces at the bus stop
Just waiting on the rain
And music's just like makeup
Painted on the day
I know it don't mean nothing
but I just want to say
The crisis is inside us
And all around
Went to school and spent all that money
But I might as well have dropped out
By twenty-five I thought I'd have figured it out
But the truth just ricochets yeah
It still ain't hit the ground
Thee cops rolled by
And I wrote my name
In the cold blue light
That the sirens sprayed
On the ground
Who we'll be
And where we'll stay
No one knows
But we're on our way
The crisis is inside us
And all around
The sky opens up every night
And the rain keeps falling out
All I hear is doomsday
But it won't take us down
We might ricochet but
We still ain't hit the ground
|
||||
14. |
Thoughts & Prayers.
04:01
|
|||
Thank god for all the politicians
Don't you shed no salt from your eyes
I thought that I was through
As the shots chewed up my school
But your thoughts and prayers saved my life
Thank god for all the TV pundits
Don't you say a word as the ocean's rise
I was sure that we would drown
When the levees crumbled down
But your thoughts and prayers changed my mind
What’s the power for?
What’s the power for?
What’s the power for?
Thank god for all the chief executives
Buy yourself a thousand dollar wine
My neighbor can't buy dinner
With the minimum wage you give her
But your thoughts and prayers taste just fine
Thank god for all the good policemen
Stand there while your brother opens fire
And when his trial comes around
Ain't no sentence handed down
But your thoughts and prayers will make it right
What’s the power for?
What’s the power for?
What’s the power for?
The powerful
To all our oh so humble leaders
Don't tremble when that reckoning arrives
When the ones you'd tossed aside
Hold the metal to your spine
I hope thoughts and prayers save your life
|
||||
15. |
Gen Zero.
03:34
|
|||
A generation with no destination
A six-lane highway running out of road
Still they wait and they wait and they wait
While our future's running away
If they knew what we knew what we knew
They would know there's nothing to do
Except throw another penny in the pool
A generation with no expectations
The house they gave us had termites in the walls
And in the back in the back of the car
You said the future's falling apart
And every march, every vote, every rule
Every dream of making it through
Is just another penny in the pool
A generation with no destination
A hundred jasmines drying in the cold
And I know and I know and I know
That the sun won't die when we go
But all I hoped all I hoped I could do
Is spend one more summer with you
But hope is a penny in a pool
|
||||
16. |
20/20.
03:36
|
|||
I've had this problem since I was a child
Cursed with perfect vision
No escaping what's outside
Nothing can protect you from the snow's cold sting
When you can see the holes in everything
Oh we saw it all
We saw it all way too clear
Burning up the cobwebs from our worst fears
Oh we saw it all
We saw it all way too clear
In 20/20
Someone said there's years that ask us things
And years that answer back
But maybe some are halls of mirrors
That show us what we lack
Sometimes it's too painful to behold
The grey-bearded man by the taxi stand
Sleeping in the cold
Oh we saw it all
We saw it all way too clear
Burning up the cobwebs from our worst fears
Oh we saw it all
We saw it all way too clear
In 2020
Amanda
I wish I could do more for you
|
||||
17. |
Daedalus.
03:04
|
|||
Daedalus I’ll leave the loving to you
As long as you leave the leaving to me
Father and I ever farther we flew
Dropping feathers into the cerulean sea
Sun is sun is in your eyes
All this all this all this time
The sun is sun is in your eyes
And it's falling
Daedalus flew to california in spring
Tryna write for movies but it wouldn't last long
Went back to school there was money to make
And two little children that were waiting at home
Sun is sun is in your eyes
All this all this all this time
The sun is sun is in your eyes
And you're falling
I'm on a plane to california today
And I'm gonna make it there singing my songs
I'm gonna fly, where Daedalus failed
Just look at me now the world is getting so small
Sun is sun is in your eyes
All this all this all this time
Sun is sun is in your eyes
Your son is son is in your eyes
|
||||
18. |
Glass Jaw.
02:26
|
|||
I thought I’d trade a lover for a friend
But somehow I lost both of them
On the lake the cops got called
And we both hopped the fence
And in the dark we kissed on accident
But it don’t ever stay that way
The fog always descends
And you can’t make out where the water ends
I thought I’d make a lover out of my best friend
But somehow I lost both of them
The bank foreclosed on grandpa’s house again
We packed up the important things and put them in the van
He used to say you keep what you save
And you lose what you spend
But somehow he lost both of them
Well I would trade away this car if I could stay somewhere
And I would trade this fever to the wind
I thought I’d trade my armor for her hand on my skin
But somehow i lost both of them
|
||||
19. |
Shoulder Season.
04:19
|
|||
Shoulder season and the sand is cold
It sent a chill sliding into my soul
Twelve hundred miles south of home
But it's tugging at my sleeve
My mom called but the service was bad
She couldn't hear half the words that I said
I said I'd try her back but my phone went dead
And the wind kicked up the leaves
The empty beach, the whistling air
The hollows you'd forgot were there
The sun blinks back with a lonely glare
That buckles on the beach
When life's just out of reach
Sometimes I catch myself tryna be god
Teasing whispers out of the fog
My therapist said curing pain with thoughts
Is like tryna drown the rain
I had a thought but I forgot what it was
So I'll sit on the dock till it’s darker than dusk
And I'll talk and I'll talk and I'll never shut up
Till my mind runs off the page
I'm pulling levers, raising weights
Tryna keep the needles straight
Drowning out the sounds of fate
That rumble in the breach
When life's just out of reach
When life's just out of reach
I've chased the wind, I've chased that love
The kind that kids draw pictures of
The vacancy sign swinging high above
In a sky as bright as bleach
My life's just out of reach
I won't go
Where you go
Shoulder season in a tourist town
Lush lawns all rusted brown
No lifeguard to stop me now
If I walked into the sea
|
||||
20. |
Google Maps.
02:48
|
|||
On google maps street view
Outside of my parents’ old house
You can see me at 18
And my high school girlfriend by her car
I was walking her out
Both our faces are blurred
I guess they do that now for some kind of legal reasons
Seattle grey sky and the evergreens
So you can’t determine the season
I caught us there, yesterday
as I clicked my way down the street
The pavement slides like the hallway of time
Where the two of us slowly retreat
And I see
Youth was wasted on me
A serious youth
So self-absorbed
Window shopping for attention
I could never afford
I was shit-faced on genius
Singing my days away
You went to college
And put me on layaway
I wanna live where they never get old
And I'll try and forget all the big words I know
Put your fingers in mine
Kick your flats to the floor
And we'll shake till the buildings collapse on the shore
I almost died yesterday
When the lights ran out on the beach
So if we've still got a drink in that bottle
And one breath of youth left to breathe
Would you waste it on me
|
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