Sophomore.

by Ben Zaidi

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04:03
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03:58
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05:18

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released May 15, 2015

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Ben Zaidi Seattle, Washington

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Track Name: Faithfall.
I always shielded the little hope
I'd turn into somebody soon
We drove hopeful to the city
But it was clear there was no room
The military of opinions
Left bootprints on my soft grass
The days turned their faces away
Like billboards that we passed

Could my faith fall
Did I let my faith fall

In the dusk my little mirror words
Bent weak like playing cards
My love crying pulled away
From my driveway arms
I told her I'm so close to making it
But when she said goodbye I knew
Cause if I could I swear I would have left me too

Could my faith fall
Did I let my faith fall

I lingered outside in the blue
A jetstream gleamed like the seam of the sky
And we could fold it a hundred different ways
Like your hands would fold round mine
We bathed in lakes of mattresses
And I believed in you
How I used to turn in my sleep
When I had someone to turn into

Could my faith fall
Should I let my faith fall

I always shielded the little hope
Someday I'd turn into someone
Maybe I was sleeping all along
Maybe my dreaming's done
I always thought somebody here
Might need my songs
But I couldn’t tell you now
If I believe in that at all
Track Name: Who Did I Think I Was.
Here in the halfway...we crumble
Here in the halfway, here...

Who the hell did I think I was
Somebody who mattered too
Who the hell did I think I was
Somebody good enough for you

I see it now
Sharp as a silhouette
As the edge of the buildings I ain't outgrown yet
I see it now...

Who the hell did I think I was
Somebody who mattered too
Who the hell did I think I was
Somebody good enough for you
Track Name: Hollowed By You.
I was hollowed by you
I'm still followed by you
I was hollowed by you
I'm still followed by you

Will you stop calling you're all on my phone
I know you want me to come but I won't
This time I'm strong enough I'm going home
Yeah I'm going home
All of your messages, hollow the tenderness
All of the venom you said now you're sending this
Yes I'm incredulous, look at this evidence
Weeks of you screaming I'm pushed to the precipice
Girl I've been exhausted by you
I was hollowed by you, why can I not deny you
But here I go, walking to your room again
I'm knocking and no sooner than I come in and you begin
Blaming me you curse me out, I feel so worthless now
Don't know why I'm here I'm crying like let's try to work this out
Baby listen to me, I wanna––I wanna try to
I cannot deny you, girl I was exhausted by you

I was hollowed by you
I'm still followed by you
I was hollowed by you
I'm still followed by you

I know that I should leave you
Don't tell me that I'm wrong cause I know that I'll believe you
And it's more than I can take
Last night I drove my car down to the water by the lake
Above the skyscrapers red lights flash
I caught myself wishing I had a little light like that
So everybody's planes would know
Not to fly so low

I was hollowed by you
I'm still followed by you
I was hollowed by you
I'm still followed by you
Track Name: Foolish.
Foolish of me to stick around
With the purple colored flowers, in my hair, on the ground…
But I did it

Foolish of her to play dumb
When she knew what she had done, she was doin all along…
Yeah I said it

Never goin back, never goin back
Never goin back, never goin back
Foolish of me to stick around
With the purple colored flowers, in my hair, on the ground…
Yeah I said it

Foolish of her to hold fast, with the feelings that I had
When she knew a hundred years were going past
Foolish of me to keep time, when a thousand other miracles
Were moving in her mind, look up
Look at all my words how they run
Like a million rubber bullets in the air, in the sun
Where I’d put em but she couldn’t seem to care, she was numb
She was looking at the mirror, she had barely begun

And I would watch over your field
Like a shadow in the orchard
And you would look back, and I’d fear
It wasn’t ever goin forward

But I would fall on my knees
For a little bit of your affection
And all of my pleas
Still wouldn’t get it
Track Name: Baby I Was Trying.
Baby I was trying, I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way

Baby I was trying, baby I was trying
Maybe I was blind, maybe I was blind
Drinking on the road like I couldn't see
Joking like I didn't know what good could be
I'd never face you like this
I've been wasted I'm missing
The taste of your lips and I
Wanna be better yeah I care about you
I'm staring at the clearing now I swear right there I found you
I'm coming round, girl I'm coming round
I'm coming down, girl I'm coming down
And I'm on my...

Baby I was trying, I'm on my way

Girl I'm coming down, girl I'm coming down
Girl I'm coming round, girl I'm coming round
I get in my car put the windows down
And I'll sing out loud and the wind gon howl
And I ain't gon stop till I'm in your town
Yes it's true that I was cruel but I never meant
Everything that I would do or I ever said
I confess that I knew I was giving in
All my sense to be the fool I was living in
With I could take it back
Girl you know who I am, I ain't faking that

Please, wait for me
I'm on my way I'm sorry

I'm most proud when I'm quiet, don't need to make a sound and I'm smiling
Whenever I'm loud and I'm in a crowd I'm hiding the doubt I'm fighting
I once was so careful...with the words that I chose
My touch was so gentle...where did I go
And here I was smoking, drinking, laughing, joking
Like I didn't remember showin her where I'd been broken
And we would just lay in the quiet conversations
Don't know what I was saying, girl please have patience
I'm on my way and I'm trying
Track Name: Porcelain On The Morning.
I don't want to leave you
To the long september sun
A songless summer in our ears
But it was winter on our tongues
There's no spigot for our bloodflow
There's no telling why we care
There's no medicine for circumstance
But my voice will be right there

Porcelain on the morning, roses in the light
I would touch your body now if you were by my side
Porcelain on the morning, all our moments in the light
Morning comes its shadows rise like bruises of the night

I know there will be other times
Other you's and other I's
Still this moment with you glimmers like silver
In the sunlight, the sunlight of my mind
Too early or too late we see these people
These people we must be
I think my body's just a windsock now
I feel the future's just moving through me

When will we preside

Porcelain on the morning, roses in my mind
I would love your every way and you were my delight
Porcelain on the morning, the morning of my life
Hold the morning close cause I can't be with you tonight
Track Name: And We Climb.
I step out on the balcony
Memories surrounding me...I can see my breath
It’s all blue in the morning light
How did we get here
The years flew like a dream before my eyes

And I ain’t ever let you fear
And I ain’t ever let you down
And you ain’t ever let me near
So who was it who lead us here
I could never understand
It was never meant to be mine
We can’t start over now
We start under, and we climb

We start under, and we climb

Now we’re so much older than those days
When I always told her nothing would change
Running in the shoulder, turning that corner
Long as I was sober it was okay
I was thinking over something to say
Lookin for some closure, it was too late
Trying to console her, losin my composure
We were gettin colder every day

We start under, and we climb

Diggin in a hollow that we couldn’t climb out
Always on the road and I could never lie down
Should’ve guessed you would get tired by now
Fucked up, I’m fucked up whenever I’m round
Maybe I’m lost girl or maybe I’m found
Was it your faith girl or was it my doubt
Never been as sober as I’m feelin right now
Singing what I couldn’t ever fucking write down

And I wonder where you are today
The city looks so far away...In my head
I don’t think I understood it then
But now it’s so clear
We were only ever all we could’ve been

Baby you were doin your best
You would take me back when I cried
But you would love me just a little less
A little less every time
I could never understand
It was never meant to be mine
We can’t start over now
We start under, and we climb

We start under, and we climb
Track Name: Hope.
I didn't know if I could do it but I hoped I would
I hoped I would

I would sit up on my bed alone, thinking that I never won't try
But the city gets hard and I feel it on my heart sometimes
That the world's so tall it could probably leave us all behind
But I swing back around when I think of my town
And the nights made warm by the love of my friends
We were all trying to be something back then
The tune we were humming got stuck in my head
I believed and then all of a sudden I left
I was burning down the highway windows open
Screaming at the night till my voice was broken
Thinking that I might make something of this
And that hope’s still the only thing I’m holding

I didn't know if I could do it but I hoped I would
I hoped I would
I didn't know if you would love me but I hoped you could
I hoped you could

I like the way that you talk
Feels like something I ain't know but I sought
That's the feeling you've got
Like a lyric that you know once you hear it you'd thought
I like the way that you think
Feels like a song no one else could sing
But what if you ain't love me back
I thought that you could love me back that night
When I laid with you and I played for you my life
When it came down to it I felt like I knew if I tried
There was a hope you’d see who I hoped I’d be inside
And that hope was the song that kept me going

I didn't know if I could do it but I hoped I would
I hoped I would
I didn't know if you would love me but I hoped you could
I hoped you could

Lately, I've been a little off track
All of these years like a weight on my back
All of these fears I won't make it, I'm faking
I'm afraid I should throw away the faith that I had
But when I finally fall to pieces
Will you tell me I don't need this
Or will you show me to the youth I'd left
Where the hope was the only thing I'd known and

I didn't know if I could do it but I hoped I would
I hoped I would
I didn't know if you would love me but I hoped you could
I hoped you could